Thursday, May 5, 2011

Still goth after ? years

Hello Goth-lings!

So after reading a post by Amy found at the link below, I began to think "When did I become goth?"

Everyone remembers some sort of memory where they saw beyond a cereal box of Count Chocula and thought "Hmm.", but I honestly can't. It's always been kind of inside of me, for as long as I can remember, and I cannot remember a time when I never saw myself as "Spooky".

I never remember one sort of moment or memory from whence my gothdom sprang up, so I began to ask my family why. Where did this come from? Why do you accept me as normal when I'm in boots and a dress but not in blue jeans and flip flops?

I turned to my mom and she showed me pictures of myself as a baby, growing up, in middle school, in high school. I've always had spooky tendencies, and this post will show you just what I mean.

Example 1:

This is a picture of my brother and I when we were young. He was 5 and I was 3 years old. My aunt asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween, that she'd make me whatever costume I wanted, and this is what I asked for. Black Mary Janes, black stockings, black billowy skirt, black leotard with a black bolero, black velvet crown with a black lace veil. Make-up consisted of lots of black rimmed eyes, red lipstick, and I've always had a fascination for moles, so she drew one on my chin. I didn't know what goth was, I just knew that I wanted to look like that.

Example 2:

It was Halloween, and I was in the third grade (I am 7 years old) in this picture. And if you don't know who I am, here's a hint.

I loved her. I would stay up all night and watch her movies with my father as well as other slasher movies that were prevailent at the time. I thought Chucky was a cute doll, Jason could be my bodyguard to defend me from bullies at school, and I had a huuuge crush on Freddy. Still kinda do...

More years went by, I collected ALL of her collector cards (which I still have all nicely labeled in an album) and I used to stay up and watch "Tales from the Crypt" with my dad. He passed when I was 9, but I still watched them. I discovered Anne Rice's "Interview with the Vampire" in a second hand store and read it cover to cover that night. I realized I wasn't alone, that I could find solace even if in just a book, and my vision began to open to some sort of culture of the "Spookily inclined."

No more examples, just pictures from here on out.

Middle school me. I hate my face, but you can see all my Spooky indicators- red fishnet shirt, long red nails, studded belt, useless red ribbons, and my new puppy I took home that day (Claudia Emilie Rose).

I'm next to the clown with the rainbow wig. I'm in a long black gown with a fishnet shirt, straightened black hair, black lipstick, black make-up, and the sash I got as Homecoming court as a Senior in high school (I know, it shocked me too).

From there on, it's mostly pictures of me being me. Not much has changed, except that I have acquired the title that comes with knowing what I am. There was no real revelation for me, I just... was.

So what was your "coming out" story? Was it easy for you to do? Did you fight it? Embrace it? How did you come to know what you are? <3!

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