Hello again, my lovies. Mary here, and I'm so glad to see you again.
Yes, I say again. Why? you ask? Simple. I made my old blog private.
Time and time again, I read a small portion of it, trying to see a small fragment of my real, true self in there. And I didn't.
The truth is, in all my photos and listings, it was be being what I thought was healthy, what I thought other people wanted me to be when, in fact, I had low self-esteem. I disliked what I saw in the mirror, so much, that I couldn't do my make-up, I couldn't do my hair, nor function properly without curling up in a ball at night thinking "Why aren't I happy?"
Aside from all that slow self-annihilation by self inhibitions, I've decided to do something I've longed for- I'm letting it out. All the crazy, all the joy and the hurt and the beauty and the shit and all the hilariousness that comes with this strange thing called life. This is my safe haven for my thoughts and dreams and things that go bump in the night, so please respect that and have a nice hot cuppa tea.
Okay, backstory complete. Let's move along.
I recently feel like I've entered this safe place in my life where I can put myself out there and not be afraid. Afraid that I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, loved enough, good enough. I've always been "the weird girl", the odd one out, and all those other cliches that you hear in books or in high school. I still feel that way at times ( a LOT ), but I've learned to work through them and attempt to get past them, if only to have a brief moment of happiness.
I swing back and forth from the pink/glitter/floral loving Ophelia to the dark/inky/ankh wearing Raven of the night, so let me establish this now- you will get a lot of weirdness on this thing. *nods*
Put simply? I am the girl you read about in poems: singing songs to a nameless face from a far-off place, full of purity and grace, all wrapped up into this mental case.